Anal, Anyone?

Its Valentine’s Day weekend and that means millions of men across the globe are getting taken to the cleaners on what seems to be an all girl Holiday. Don’t get me wrong people, I love Valentine’s Day however it is so one sided toward the woman’s side it’s ridiculous. All the men have to plan, spend and participate and what do we usually get in return? SEX. With that in mind the chances of you boys out there getting a little anal action greatly increases. All those “hell no’s” could magically become “hell yeah” in the blink of an eye if you play your Valentine’s Day hand right. So let’s go through the dos and don’ts of bumping the brown eye. Why do people want it? Why does she hate it or love it? Also what are you willing to do to get it? Let’s start with why some of us want it.

          I know some of the ladies out there are saying “there is no want mo-fo, it’s just NO”! However it’s not just the males out there that want it. It’s one of those taboo things that appeal to both sexes. It’s the whole “putting it in the naughty place” that attracts people. People like being naughty whether they admit or not. Once it’s tried the whole taboo thing kind of goes out the window. Basically we like it because it’s bad! So why do some women hate it?


          Some women hate it because if it’s done wrong it can hurt. Hell I’ve heard it can hurt even if it’s done right. Also there are many women who have tried it and experienced the “RAM” man, the guy that tries to shove it in and then tries to bang away. He just did it all wrong and ruined the fun for everyone! Bastards! There is also the fact that pooh comes out of there and some women consider it an exit only. So then why would she like it?


          I’ve heard a good amount of women say they like Anal sex because it feels good. I can hear the other women screaming “FREAK” but they swear it feels great. I hear that it’s an incredible feeling because its penetration but not vaginal. They say the deep penetration feels like a combination of vaginal, clitoral and rectal stimulation. The feeling is a mix up of all three combined. If the rectum is ready it gobbles up the penis with ease. Then it becomes loads of fun for both parties. Literally. An anal orgasm is possible. So how can we all achieve the good?


The dos of bumping the brown eye start with patience. Never just try to shove your willy in without proper warm up or warning. This is just bad. You should always start with teasing. Tease, tease and tease some more. The more turned on your woman is the easier things become. If you need to loosen up a bit try the doggy style thumbs down. This is when you’re doing the deed vaginally doggy style and you spit on your thumb and give the star fish a little rub. Don’t penetrate it, don’t be rough just lightly rubbed circles. The spit is essential. If you rub with a dry thumb it would be like wiping with construction paper. A little brown eye play will be needed. Don’t be funky, keep it smooth and keep the fire burning. Now if all goes to plan and she agrees to it…. Yeah boys they actually have to agree! Then it’s time to get started. For starters GO SLOW. You have to go at her pace. Listen and feel her body. Lubrication is needed. They say spit is the best but any lube will do. Getting the tip in will be the toughest part. Wiggle it around the anus and gently push. If she bails you’re going to fast or too hard. If she crawls away so fast she hits her head on the head board of the bed, don’t laugh. Your night will be done. Once the tip gets through you’re home free. Make sure you go at her pace and get constant updates. If you screw it up it may not happen again. What can you do to screw it up?


What are the don’ts? Don’t be rough with the anus the first time around. Don’t shove it in hard. Ease it in, slowly carefully. Don’t try to put it in dry or partially lubed. If you feel her running away, that doesn’t mean hold her down and push. The object is for both of you to enjoy it. Do not jack hammer! Let me say it again… do not jack hammer. A lot of women have told me that their guy was gentle the whole way through until he got in there. Then he got so excited he just banged away like it was a pin ball machine! Never go anus to vagina. The anus has bacteria that just doesn’t belong in the vagina. Wash it off first, then switch it up. Don’t just ejaculate in her unless she asks. I hear it can give a tummy ache. Don’t go ass to mouth right away. That’s something that you have to have a feel for before you do it. Those of you that think that’s gross remember all is well in passion. Some of you have done things during the act and didn’t realize it till the next day. Sometimes you just get into it. We all know how that goes. So boys what would you do?


I’m sure we have all heard a woman say they would let us do anal if we took a finger in the bung hole. A lot of guys say “Hell no”. Remember you’re trying to shove an entire penis in her, maybe it’s not such a bad trade off. Some guys have a “bigger” trade off than others. So tell me guys what would you do for a little anal? Take a finger or a carrot? I don’t know. Also let me know if you’re for or against ladies. Tell me if it was good or bad if you’ve tried it.


Jo-jo-bear’s take: Be patient, tease and be considerate whether she’s with it or not. I think one of the best ways to try anal is to lay her on her back then throw her legs back put some pillows under to elevate her and let the teasing and fore play begin. When she’s ready enter the anus under the vagina so you can look down at the clitoris. When you have gently got your member in go slow. You’re in a perfect spot to stimulate the clit with your fingers. This usually eases things a bit. If not just do the bent over bum blaster. Enjoy your Valentine’s weekend everyone.

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